No !!
"No!", its just a two letter word but with big consequences. Its a word that I need to use more often . It can be a step towards emotional freedom or, at the very least, a life with fewer grumpy moments.
I had no idea that I was going to write about "No" until I returned back from my exam hall, switched on my laptop and read a wonderful travelogue written by a family of 5 people who are on a world tour. The father expresses his frustration on the inability of the Indians to say "no". He writes, Indians are so kind that they have no verbal way of saying "no" but at times it gets very annoying especially when they don't say a no to a thing and do not understand the importance of being committed to that thing.
Be it my culture or be it my personality trait, I find it hard to say a no. Or should I say, I found it hard to say a no until the recent past. Now I'm learning how to say a no and I’ve been a lot more productive and happy since then. I'm trying to learn that:
- No is not a dirty word.
- I am in control of how I spend my own time.
- Saying, “No,” increases the value of the things we say, “Yes,” to.
This discovery came when I took a long, hard look at my “To Do” list. I noticed that a lot of things just stayed on the list, week after week. I just couldn’t seem to get around to them. I highlighted activities that had lingered on the list for more than a month. They were, without exception, things I wanted to do. They’d just sunk to the bottom of the list, and were submerged under an ocean of things other people wanted me to do.
I don't disagree that giving and doing things for other people is essential, both for our world and for our spirits. But I started getting the feeling that it was becoming too much. I could hardly find time for what I wanted to do. In order to please others, I had started neglecting my priorities. Although, even now when I say a no, I feel guilty but I guess with time, I'll get used to it.
I hope saying a "no" doesn't make me look selfish or uncaring. Far from it, I think it should be seen as when I say a "yes" to a certain thing, it means I care enough about other people and want to be fully engaged and committed, contributing 100 per cent.
I had no idea that I was going to write about "No" until I returned back from my exam hall, switched on my laptop and read a wonderful travelogue written by a family of 5 people who are on a world tour. The father expresses his frustration on the inability of the Indians to say "no". He writes, Indians are so kind that they have no verbal way of saying "no" but at times it gets very annoying especially when they don't say a no to a thing and do not understand the importance of being committed to that thing.
Be it my culture or be it my personality trait, I find it hard to say a no. Or should I say, I found it hard to say a no until the recent past. Now I'm learning how to say a no and I’ve been a lot more productive and happy since then. I'm trying to learn that:
- No is not a dirty word.
- I am in control of how I spend my own time.
- Saying, “No,” increases the value of the things we say, “Yes,” to.
This discovery came when I took a long, hard look at my “To Do” list. I noticed that a lot of things just stayed on the list, week after week. I just couldn’t seem to get around to them. I highlighted activities that had lingered on the list for more than a month. They were, without exception, things I wanted to do. They’d just sunk to the bottom of the list, and were submerged under an ocean of things other people wanted me to do.
I don't disagree that giving and doing things for other people is essential, both for our world and for our spirits. But I started getting the feeling that it was becoming too much. I could hardly find time for what I wanted to do. In order to please others, I had started neglecting my priorities. Although, even now when I say a no, I feel guilty but I guess with time, I'll get used to it.
I hope saying a "no" doesn't make me look selfish or uncaring. Far from it, I think it should be seen as when I say a "yes" to a certain thing, it means I care enough about other people and want to be fully engaged and committed, contributing 100 per cent.
c'est que tu es en train de devenir français!!
ReplyDeletei faced the same situation as well when i first arrived in france, unable to say "no" due to my chinese culture to whoever asks me for a service but my friends soon told me that in france you possibly can't survive without saying "no" because people don't hesitate to say no and they don't even feel guilty about saying no!
i feel happier since i have managed to say no, that prevents me from doing something i don't really like nor enjoy. So why say "yes" if you don't enjoy, if it is just for making others happy? At first i thought it made some sense, but later on i realized that if you are not happy, then others won't be happy as well because you are not doing this true-heartedly and they can feel it! It is only by making yourself happy that you can bring happiness to others, there is nothing about selfishness contrary to what most people think.
We shall talk about it the next time we meet, i look forward to seeing you!
@Alice: Totally agreed with what you said. If you aren't happy, then others won't be either because you aren't doing this whole heartedly.
ReplyDeleteHope you are having a great time at your mom's place. See you soon dear.
xoxo